I’ve done it! I’ve published the first book in the Get What You Want series. (You can get it here!) It’s a little book, or what one of my readers calls, a micro-learning book, discussing psychological skills to help you be successful in whatever you’re trying to achieve. I am savouring the feeling of pride at every reference, discussion, and moment, now that the book is out in the public domain. So, this month, I’d like to take a moment and explain the psychological skill of savouring, specifically around “situational satisfaction”.
Savouring is a positive psychology practice where you intentionally focus your attention on appreciating the positive feelings in a moment. It’s different from enjoying a moment. Savoring requires you to take note of the feelings, sensations, perceptions, thoughts, and behaviours that are linked to the moment you’re in (Bryant & Veroff, 2007).
Savoring is an emotion regulation process whereby individuals generate, maintain, or enhance positive emotions through mindful appreciation of different life experiences
(Bryant, 2003; Bryant and Veroff, 2007)
The moments to practise savouring will be different for everyone. One way, that isn’t as easy as it sounds, is to savor a particular situational outcome. Let me explain.
Situational satisfaction is an intrinsic reward that you feel when you get what you want in a situation. Sometimes this feeling comes as a surprise. As I discuss in my new book, The Want Mindset, every action you take is based on gaining a reward or avoiding pain – both are wants. But as humans we’re always in a rush to do, do, do. Taking time to savour those reward feelings in mundane moments can provide unexpected happiness, long-lasting memories, and self-love that would otherwise have been dismissed.
This psych skill of savouring situational satisfaction arrives when you think and act as your intentional self. When you think, act or feel like your intentional self, you feel valued, meaningful and purposeful and receive an “intrinsic reward” of satisfaction. Intrinsic rewards are when the brain releases positive emotions when you think, do or feel meaningful or authentic. So, how do you do this? Let me give you two examples. The first is savoring unexpected situational satisfaction and the other is intentional situational satisfaction.
Unexpected Situational Satisfaction (take from my upcoming book, The Want Mindset)
My daughter, at the age of 5, came up to me while I was writing. With my headphones on, it was clear I was in the writing zone and not to be disturbed. But she was only 5 and needed to ask me a question. Can you play with me? In that moment, feeling annoyed and frustrated from being interrupted, I stopped and calmed my heightened feelings down with a deep breath. I assessed the situation by looking into my daughter’s eyes and then back at my computer screen. One of my values is being a present mum for my children. I had a quick conversation in my head that went like this:
This has to be done by tomorrow. Yes, but your daughter wants to play. I was just in the zone. I’ll just finish this last paragraph. What’s most important right now?
In that moment, I made the choice to close the laptop and play with my daughter. It wasn’t the choice I wanted. I wanted to keep writing and finish the project. What I found, however, was a feeling of joy (the reward) in that situation that made my heart sing. I never would’ve felt that situational satisfaction if I just finished that last paragraph.
Intentional Situational Satisfaction
Let’s look at a similar situation to the one above. Perhaps there is a load of dirty dishes in the sink, a pile of laundry, and hoovering that HAS TO get done. Making the choice to feel the uncomfortable feelings of not getting those done and choosing instead to play with your child, that is intentional situational satisfaction. You are making a choice to find the satisfaction in a moment. Think about how you feel when you choose to do something important over something that had to get done.
I think this is the most important psych skill because, quite often, the feelings of situational satisfaction grab you by surprise and may be accompanied by other positive feelings.
Don’t: Worry if you can’t feel situation satisfaction at first and don’t try too hard.
Do: Tap into your feelings when you express or act as your authentic self. You’ll find the reward of situational satisfaction.
It takes practice to make something a habit, but hopefully, this skill will help you become more aware of your reward feelings in any moment.
Bryant, F. B., & Veroff, J. (2007). Savoring: A new model of positive experience. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Publishers.
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